Shadows
by TheAngel'sLover
Summary: The memories of times past, will forever cast shadows of those who regret it.


He sat upon a large rock, upright, and regal. His hands, one on top of the other, were resting upon a sword that stood in front of him. His posture significantly hinted he had gone through much instruction to pose in such a stately manner. An observer would wonder why there was a reason to display this training, especially in this heat, for he was alone. Despite the lack of his company, he was still maintaining his posture perfectly.

Although the day was waning, it was still quite hot. It was the desert after all.

He looked very stern and quite worn, like one who has been forced to age under circumstances out of their control. This hardness made it somewhat impossible to tell what his thoughts might be. But his eyes had a soft glow to them, which seemed to forgive the other intimidating features of his face.

The sound of approaching footsteps did not seem to shake him out of his current position, but for a calm turn of the head to see who was coming. It was obviously someone he knew, for the head turned back to face forward and his lips uttered no greeting, although the corners seemed to turn up in a knowing smile.

The one walking towards him turned out to be another male, who was considerably younger, barely stepping into adulthood. His soft facial features also gave away he had much life left before achieving the more serious expression his older comrade wore.

"Watcha doin out here?" he asked, standing with his arms behind his head, looking around at the miles of endless sand, before dropping his hands, placing them at his hips, and turning to look at the man sitting next to him.

" I was simply resting" he replied. His tone was gentle, somewhat fatherly at the curiosity of the younger one.

"Oh"

They watched the sunset in silence. The red and orange hues, laced with gold, swept across the sky above in glory, but were then swallowed by the darkness lurking around the edges, pushing away all daylight before delicately placing small shimmering stars around the rising moon in the heavens.

The older of the two finally spoke,

"What brings you here Vaan?"

Caught off guard, the one addressed as Vaan jumped slightly, looking sheepish.

" I saw you sitting here by yourself. You seemed to be, I dunno. Lonely?"

His comment earned him an amused chuckle, and to his great surprise, a smile.

" Vaan, after spending two years of my life in chains in Nalbina, and many more as a solider, I believe I am quite capable of sitting alone for awhile to put my mind at ease."

Vaan scratched the back of his head and shuffled his feet uncomfortably.

"Well…" he stammered in embarrassment.

It was quiet for moment before Vaan blurted out,

" Why sit alone then when you have us to talk to?"

It was the other's turn to bring the fragments of conversation to an awkward halt.

"I'm sorry." He said breaking the silence.

" I would guess that going many a year without speaking to those outside of a militant, political, or strategical situation, its hard to find common words for simple conversation."

This seemed to satisfy Vaan slightly, for he perked up at the small confession. He had never really gotten that much out before. He sat himself down in the sand next to the rock the man occupied.

"Basch?"

The older man turned his head to look down at him. He said nothing, his expression speaking for him. Vaan took it as a signal to continue.

" Sometimes you sound like you regret becoming a solider."

"We all regret certain choices Vaan, but becoming a solider is not one of those regrets."

His eyes, which had been shining before, now looked melancholy. Even though nothing was visible, he turned his head away and began to stare out into the distance.

" Did you always dream of becoming a soldier?"

"Did you always dream of becoming a sky pirate?"

Vaan considered this momentarily, opening his mouth then shutting it, discarding his response until he finally decided,

" No."

Basch raised an eyebrow and looked back down to Vaan in slight shock.

"When Reks and I were little, we pretended we were soldiers in the Army of Dalmasca. He always said, 'Someday Vaan, I'll be a great knight, just like Capitan Fon Rosenburg or Capitan Azelas!"

Basch's face lost its stony expression, being replaced with one of deep sadness. Vaan caught this out of the corner of his eye.

" Don't worry about it." He said, looking over at Basch.

"And don't apologize again" he added when he saw Basch opening his mouth. He decided to continue,

" I looked up to him and wanted to be just like him, do everything he did. But when our parents died and we needed money, he joined and… and…" he trialed off.

Both of them knew what happened next.

"After he died and the empire took over, I became bitter towards anything related to soldiers, knights, and war. All I saw in that was death, pain, and betrayal. I didn't want to be the one who made life miserable for others, so I decided I wanted to make the empire miserable. I wanted to become a sky pirate to go and get the treasures and riches that the empire claimed was theirs but really belonged to us."

Basch took the sword he had been resting his hands upon and drew it into his lap. He examined it for a while after Vaan finished.

Vaan watched at him quizzically. He wondered if he had said too much. Again.

Pulling himself from the depths of his thoughts Basch spoke in slow reminiscence, gazing wistfully at the sword in his lap as he did so:

"Once there was a carefree child, just like you and your brother, who was unaware of the cruelties of the world, protected in a world of his own making, living in fantasies created with his never ending supply of imagination.

But, _never_ did he think those dreams would become such a fierce reality. Wooden weapons became steel, the piece of cloth draped over the body and the box placed upon the head in representation of armor, was discarded, replaced with the authentic components one used to dream about donning.

How it would've have distressed him so to know the fate of his play- comrade. The one who fought with him for hours, posing as the rival, would later turn out to be the enemy in the end."

By now Vaan's jaw had dropped. He never expected to be hearing this from Basch. _Never_. He was so thunderstruck that he didn't even notice the sound of footsteps. It appeared Basch hadn't noticed them either.

But it mattered little for they stopped when Basch began to speak once more,

"How those times are missed." He chuckled sadly,

"Oh, how I wish every child could be shielded from the miseries of the world, but alas, it is foolish to wish for such things as that."

He turned his look to the dumbstruck Vaan,

" I have noticed that those who are protected young are usually the ones who suffer the most when they realize they can no longer take shelter in naivety. I speak not only from observation, but from experience as well. I was one of those children. You may not believe what I say, but I will leave the outcome of your decision to you."

Vaan just stared. Basch chuckled at his younger fellow's expression.

" I see I have said too much."

This shook Vaan out of his stunned silence.

"N-N-No!"

"Why don't you go back and join the others. We set out early tomorrow. I'm sure you've worried Penelo with your sudden and lengthy absence."

"I-" Vaan was about to argue when the owner of the earlier, unnoticed footsteps, appeared behind him.

"She has," came a crisp female voice.

Vaan jumped to his feet and spun around, coming face to face with a young woman, who was slightly shorter than him, but looked a few years his senior.

"Ashe!" he said in surprise,

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to find you, and it seems I've also found the person _I_ wanted to find." Her eyes fell upon Basch.

Sensing his extended presence would be unappreciated, Vaan started to walk away.

A short distance away he stopped and turned around.

"Basch?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks". With that he continued on his way.

After Vaan disappeared into the dark, the woman, who had watched him go, resumed her former position, looking at Basch.

"I came to talk to you about tomorrows plans…" she began.

"How long were you hiding there?"

She shut her mouth, assuming a taken-aback expression. Soon a look of guilt came over her.

"When you were talking to Vaan about your childhood" she admitted.

"I see"

"Penelo and I were looking for him. Balthier and Fran were getting supplies from a traveling merchant who happened to be passing through. It was when I spotted Vaan that I started to come over to reprimand him. When I saw you with him I figured he was fine. But I heard you talking about your past, something I have never heard you speak of or share with anyone.

"Lady Ashe, I need no explanation."

She looked down, discomfited at her out-pour of words.

" I see why you stayed then." Said Basch, smiling slightly.

"Forgive my impudence" Ashe replied.

"There is nothing to forgive."

"It's just, I've never heard you talk of things concerning those matters before. I wanted to listen."

She looked up at him, then away again, finding it better to look ahead.

"I've always wanted to hear you tell a story of your childhood."

At her confession Basch stood, sheathing his sword as he did so.

"There are many things I have not said to anyone. I find it best to stay silent in terms of the past, for that is history. It matters little. There is little use dwelling on what could've been."

"Surely it matters some."

"Yes. But it is not what matters the most."

"Then what matters the most?"

"You, Majesty."

They stood for a moment, just staring at each other. One with a look of shock, the other with a look of sincere honesty. Basch turned to walk away when Ashe grabbed his arm.

"I-" she began, but her sentenced died when what he had said sent another wave of astonishment through her mind.

He did not move away from her grasp, but his gaze pierced her through to her soul.

When minutes of silence passed between them, she relinquished her grip on his arm, but he remained.

"I did not want to speak of my past to someone I thought would never have to witness the cruelties of war, or suffer the pains of adulthood while still in the throws of childhood. Now it seems, they have suffered. Even more so than I."

"We suffer regardless of anyone's protection."

This retort gave Basch something to consider. Noticing his stillness Ashe continued,

"We also suffer for the people and beliefs we protect"

Basch turned to face her, only to find she had taken steps away from him, walking slowly in thought towards the open desert. She stopped just a few feet from the rock he had occupied earlier.

"I do not think I have suffered as greatly as you." Her eyes focused forward, but they were not staring at anything in particular.

"My Lady…" he said, stepping towards her.

She stopped him with a hand.

"I see that now. Losing a kingdom, a father, and a husband you forced yourself to love is great indeed, but losing a homeland and a family, being forced to flee into the world unknown, then being marked as a traitor by both the country to which you fled and a brother of your former homeland. You endured the tortures of prison, the humiliation from those who did not know the truth, past decisions… I feel selfish to compare."

She turned around to look him straight in the eye,

"It has been you who sought forgiveness from me. Now I am the one who seeks it of you. I have been too caught up in my own woes to think what I have caused you in my reluctance to trust you. To see you were never the one I should've doubted, ever."

"This is a great honor my Lady, but I fear I cannot accept."

Ashe was stunned by his reply to her apology, but, she knew well why he declined. He found no honor in accepting an apology from a superior. He found it embarrassing.

"You have always spoken of honor as it pertains to a soldier. Your honor is upheld by your image in the eyes of those you serve and defend. Little honor do you allow to spare for yourself. By turning away, denying the possibility that some may care for you and respect you for who you are and the things you have done selflessly for others, you do yourself a great disservice. Honor is not limited just to your deeds and sacrifices, but also to you. With no honor spared for yourself, you will commit deeds that would prove you care for nothing. You would be heartless."

She walked back up to him,

"I know you are not heartless," she whispered

"Otherwise you would not be here to aid me, to stand by my side. You would've killed my father. But instead you willingly took the blame and the penalty that came with such a crime. You must have some honor saved for yourself, for you would've died in shame."

If she had ever seen a man come close to tears, it would be now. Although he would never cry, she could tell, even in the darkness, his eyes had a glassy texture to them, and his posture had dropped slightly.

"I see I have said too much?" she asked, repeating the words he had used on Vaan earlier.

"You have gained wisdom beyond your years in only the last two." Basch said, his voice had an emotional huskiness to it, although faint, it was there.

"It feels as if it were only days ago that I witnessed your premature step into womanhood when you joined hands with a new husband. Now after his and your father's deaths, it amazes me so that your spirit never died with them. You are no long a desperate young woman trying to piece an entire kingdom back together, but a queen; ready to do whatever she possibly can to save it."

He bowed his head in respect.

"I know your father would be filled with pride, knowing what you have done and what you have been able to accomplish for your country in his place."

It was now her eyes that misted over. She was never one who accepted words of true kindness easily. When she was younger she had always wished that someday, she would hear words of comfort from one of her father's most trusted knights, one she looked up to and respected. Now that those words were spoken, especially in a tone her father would've used, the child that had remained restrained insider her, burst into tears.

It had been two years. No tears had been shed. She felt foolish, but she couldn't stop. The barriers she had so meticulously and cautiously built to keep herself going dropped in an instant. The vulnerability she felt was infuriating. Why now? Why did she have to suddenly weep? Especially in front of someone who had just commented on her willpower and endurance?

She turned and fled to the rock in utter horror at her exposed weakness. The display of her tears without reserve combined with her fury at finding relief in doing so made her cry even harder.

Meanwhile, Basch stood rooted to his present spot. He had not meant for any of this to ensue what he thought had been kind words, but now he feared he had upset her in saying anything along the lines of gentle at all. He felt awkward. He had only see her cry as a toddler and at the funeral for her husband. This was something he was quite sure he was never have supposed to witness.

Ashe sat there, crying like a small, frightened child. She was hugging herself tightly, trying to stop the spasms brought on by her tears, racking her body with each shuddering breath she took.

It was when she had been able to catch her breath momentarily, that she felt it.

Another body sitting next to hers, an arm wrapped around her shoulders.

The little girl inside took over the ice princess she had trained herself to be. She leaned into the chest of the person next to her without hesitation. It was rock solid, but was a comfort nonetheless. The other arm came around the front. She was now being cradled in the warm arms of Basch fon Rosenburg. The strongest warrior of all Dalmasca, had stepped out of his hardened shell to console her.

Much time passed until she could breathe properly again. The tears had finally stopped flowing out of her control. A deep fatigue had come over her. So much so, she could barely keep herself conscious. She was now quite aware of where she rested, but could not summon up the energy to move, she could however, feel the blood rush back to her cheeks.

"Thank you" she murmured, almost inaudibly.

"It is an honor to have you by my side, Basch"

"It is an honor to serve you Majesty" he replied, his already deep voice sounded even more so while her head lay pressed against his chest. She felt herself release a sigh she hadn't meant to come out.

Ashe awoke early the next day and found herself lying on the floor of her tent. She was not aware when she lost the struggle with exhaustion. She thought she could remember herself being lifted off of something, being carried, feeling secure...

Blinking her eyes gradually, she crawled slowly across the floor to the flap, her body still felt weak. It shook a little while she moved along. Upon exiting she saw Basch standing guard to her immediate left, looking as he always had. Tall, austere, and calm.

His head turned in her direction as she stumbled out.

Silently she approached him, holding his gaze until she was standing beside him. They nodded at each other, a hint of a smile on their lips before they both looked forward to the rising sun as it stretched its golden arms across the sky, shooing away the night with its warm light.


End file.
